My feet hit the floor before I’m fully awake. Someone is crying. I run down the hall and into the girls’ room and gather up my four year old into my arms. “What’s wrong?” I ask her. “I dreamed that I was on the playground all by myself and you left me,” She responds. I kiss her forehead and tuck her back in. “I would never leave you, bug.” “I know, Mommy,” she yawns. She’s back asleep before I get to the hallway. I check my phone and it’s 3am. It feels like I just fell back asleep when I hear the baby crying. 4:30am. I roll out of bed and walk over to his crib to pick him up. He’s hungry, so I feed him and snuggle him. I try to cherish the moments alone with my youngest baby, which are few and far between and usually happen in the early morning hours. I look into his eyes and they look green this morning. All of the rest of us have brown eyes, but his seem to be green or hazel like my Grandma’s were. I let myself miss her for a moment, wishing that she would have been able to meet him.
I decide not to go back to sleep before Chris wakes up at 5:30. The baby falls back asleep and I tiptoe into the kitchen to make some coffee. I grab my journal and my Bible, and I’m reading about grace. And isn’t that what I have today, for this season of my life with sleepless nights and little babies? The grace for a season. The grace that comes from God and gives me a supernatural ability to do what God has called me to do, something that is more than anything that I would be able to do in my own strength. The grace that gives me the patience to homeschool my kids, to stay home, to serve my family with love. The grace that, in a different season, gave me the passion and desire to finish graduate school with a 3 year old and an infant at my feet on graduation day. The grace of God that led me to South America to be a missionary. The grace that gave me the capacity to work full time when I was a mom of 2. The grace that led me to wake up at 4am and teach classes each morning so that we could pay off debt. The grace that led me to stay up late on the weekends and finish writing my devotion book. Each season came with its own measure of grace.
The thing about seasons is that they come and go. I think about graduate school today, and I can’t even believe that I was able to do that, but God sustained me during that time and gave me the grace to finish. I often think about the verse from 2 Corinthians 12:9 that says “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
I would have never imagined that I would be staying home with three kids and homeschooling today, but God has given me the grace for this season, which means that I am not only doing it, but doing it with joy and the ease that comes from knowing that I am held up by Christ. I am resting in him. I am letting my weakness be a conduit for His power and love to reach my family. I am remembering that whenever I am weak, He is strong.
But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift. -Ephesians 4:7
Whatever season of life that you are in, He will give you the grace to do what you need to do. Don’t try to carry the burden or the responsibilities all by yourself. Cast your cares and your burdens upon Him, and let Him carry you through. He will carry you through the unseen moments, the times when only you and God know what you are dealing with and what you have sacrificed. He will carry you through the painful times, the times when it seems impossible, the moments when you feel like giving up. He will give you the grace for your season.
A prayer I’m praying today, and one that you can pray with me:
Dear God, give me the grace for this season of my life. Fill me up each day with your Holy Spirit so that my life is overflowing with your love and grace to everyone around me. Show me how to use my weaknesses, all of the times that I’m overwhelmed and frustrated, to give you honor and glory. Teach me how to lean into you when I feel like I’ve failed, instead of distancing myself from you. Help me to set my eyes upon you and to put my trust in you. I believe that you are enough for me and enough for the hardest parts of my life. Remind me of that when I forget. In Jesus name, Amen.
