My Grandma died at the beginning of this year. She went to sleep one night, after a long while of suffering, and her spirit peacefully left her body and was welcomed into the arms of Jesus. I imagine that she met Jesus in the same way that she did everything else, with grace.
In the days that followed, it struck me how even though she was old and had lived a long, wonderful life, and even though she had been suffering and was now in a better place, I still felt a deep and utter loss. For some time after her death, I would lay my hand over my heart and hold it steady because of the physical ache that I felt there. I suppose that in a sense, it was also a loss of the innocence of youth that I felt, knowing that the days of eating my Grandma’s homemade cookies and sitting at her table while she listened to the latest things going on in my life had passed, and the realization that my own mother would now be the Grandma who would host the Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, and my own babies would tell her their secrets like I told my Grandma mine.
This year has felt like a year of loss in many ways. I have personally felt the sting of loss and the ache of knowing that I won’t ever hear my loved one’s voice again on this side of Heaven. I have sat up at night with my babies while they cried because they missed their Grandma Sandy and asked me hard questions about death and Heaven. I have walked alongside dear friends who have lost jobs, lost loved ones, and lost relationships. No matter what side you align with, collectively, we have experienced a loss of trust in politics, in the news, in our neighbor.
This year has often left me standing on the edge of loss, mourning for my family, mourning for our nation, and mourning for the body of Christ. I haven’t had many words to say. I have sat each morning with my Bible open, bookmarked with my Grandma’s old green bookmark, and with my eyes and heart turned toward Jesus. His word has carried me through. It has reminded me that no matter what it may look like or feel like, He is near. There is a well known verse in Psalm 34:18 that says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit.” I love how The Message translation says, “If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.”
A prayer I’m praying today, and one that you can pray with me:
Dear God, help me to catch my breath today. Thank you that you are steadfast and faithful, and that I can always depend on you. Help me to show others your love, especially right now, and especially to those who may be different than I am or have different beliefs. Help me to walk as Jesus walked on this earth. I invite you into my every moment, to be King of all that I say and all that I do. Help me to see through the lens of your word and stand on your promises, especially the one in Psalm 34 that promises that when I feel heartbroken, you are right here with me. In Jesus name, amen.
